Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
