let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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