4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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