JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
