MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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