Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
