i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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