why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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