I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
