Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
