I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
