I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My vagina just recognized that song.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
