The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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