My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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