I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
