Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
