just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
