No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
