Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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