Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
