I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
