I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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