I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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