I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
