you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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