I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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