If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
