I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
