There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
