I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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