Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Holy sore nipples Batman
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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