OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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