All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
