Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
