i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
