I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
