sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Text me some of your sweat
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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