I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
