Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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