end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
