Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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