After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This house was built for laser tag.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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