Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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