I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
