I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize