I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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