he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
