did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
