It's like a parade of train wrecks.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
