Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
After last night, I could never be a politician.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
